More proof that legacy kids are ruining America (and really pissing me off)

With Jets coach Rex Ryan seemingly defying my standard legacy-kids-suck mantra, the Seahawks' Jim Mora is busy reaffirming my beliefs.

ESPN followed their minimalist highlight package of today's Bears-Seahawks game -- a tight, well-contested semi-thriller that wasn't necessarily a great win for the Bears, but was the type of game that good teams simply have to win -- with a snippet from Mora's press conference following his team's 25-19 loss:

"No excuses for those (two missed field goal by Olindo Mare). If you're a kicker in the National Football League, you should make those kicks. Bottom line. End of story. Period. No excuses. No win. Doesn't matter. Gotta make those kicks. Especially in a game like this, where you're kicking and scratching and fighting and playing your tail off, and you miss those kicks, not acceptable. Not acceptable. Absolutely not acceptable. We'll look at changes everywhere. We're not going to fight our asses off and have a field goal kicker go out there and miss two field goals and lose a game. Not going to happen."

All I can say is, "Fuck you, dick."

Actually, that's not all I can say. Jim Mora is a little turd. He was terrible in Atlanta, and he's still a god-awful weaselly pissant coach who only has his job because of daddy's name. Unlike Olindo Mare, who has earned his position in the NFL through sheer hard work, skill, and determination, Mora's ridden coattails his entire life.

Look, I'm not saying that Mare had a great game. He didn't. He missed kicks from 43 (which isn't long, but no gimme) and 34, which does fall into the unacceptable range to be sure. But he also made four field goals -- two from 46, one from 39, and one from 37. Isn't the larger issue, dear Jim, why your team was attempting six field goals while only finding the end zone one lousy time?

One of the things that really pisses me off about football is the way that kickers have to be perfect. The specialists -- I'm including punters and long snappers here too, but it's to a somewhat lesser extent -- are the only ones on the field expected to have a completely flawless performance. Any mistake is totally unacceptable, and quite frankly it's macho kickers-aren't-real-players bullshit. There is no way Mora would have ever said anything like that about any other player on his team. Ever. But the kicker, well, he's not even a real football player, so who gives a fuck?

I do.

Because you see, Jim, Olindo Mare did not lose that game. TJ Houshmandzadeh's fumble in your own territory on the opening drive of the second half -- which gave the Bears a short field for the Jay Cutler-to-Johnny Knox go-ahead touchdown -- might have. Seneca Wallace's interception, which gave the Bears the ball at the Seattle 14 and led directly to a field goal, certainly didn't help matters. Nor did the reversal of the Matt Forte fumble call. But to pin the loss on any one player -- and by the way, had Mare been perfect, maybe he would have gotten a long field goal attempt to win it at the end, otherwise the game's going into overtime, not in the win column -- is fucking ridiculous.

Mike Vanderjagt is the most accurate field goal kicker in NFL history (among those with at least 100 FGs). But for my purposes, I'm going to go all the way down the list to No. 3. Matt Stover, at 83.82%, is the third most accurate kicker in NFL history. Meaning if you gave Matt Stover, the third most accurate kicker in NFL history, six field goal attempts, Matt Stover, the third most accurate kicker in NFL history would make five of them, which is one more than Mare. Here's the math Mora, you stupid fucktard:

6 x 0.8382 = 5.0292
5.0292 ≈ 5
5 - 4 = 1

So with Matt Stover, the third most accurate kicker in NFL history, you would have typically gotten three more points. Which still puts this game in the loss column. But while quarterbacks can throw picks, wide receivers can drop passes, running backs can fumble, linemen can get touchdown-nullifying penalties, and idiot coaches can brainfart their way up and down the sidelines, it is only an NFL kicker that can cost his team -- which is "kicking (ironically) and scratching and fighting and playing their tails off" -- a win.

Sorry, Jimbo, but if your offense doesn't bog down once it gets near the red zone, your Seahawks win the game. What is unacceptable -- that is, other than your willingness to scapegoat a member of your team -- is venturing inside the opponents' 30-yard line eight times (8!) and coming away with a lone touchdown. That is what is appalling, and that is why you lost the game. And that's your fault, Mr. Accountability.

So why don't you go join George W. Bush, Hank Steinbrenner, Freddie Prinze Jr., Mike McCaskey, Julian Lennon, Wade Phillips, William Clay Ford Jr., Tori Spelling, Joe Buck, Frank Sinatra Jr., Saul Smith, Joey Buss, Jakob Dylan, and Sophia Coppola's performance in Godfather III and all go fuck yourselves.

Dick.