Steve Phillips, broadcaster extraordinaire

Alright, let me describe the scenario:

Facing the Yankees' Joba Chamberlain -- who had just given up his first hit, a home run to Victor Martinez -- with two outs in the fourth inning and the Indians trailing 2-1, Shin-Soo Choo laid down a bunt, beating it out for a hit. Which offended the delicate sensibilities of one Steve Phillips:

"I don't think it's good baseball. You've got two outs, you're not a base-stealer right there, I think you've got to try to swing and hit a double, put yourself in scoring position, because it's still going to take two singles to score Shin-Soo Choo from first base."

Yes, getting on base is bad baseball. Extending a rally: bad baseball. A successful bunt potentially drawing in the corner infielders for subsequent at-bats, making Phillips' beloved double all the more likely: bad baseball.

Somehow, after the other two guys (I think Dan Shulman and Orel Hershiser) kind of praised Choo for playing to his strengths, mentioning what a run-producer he has become, Phillips decided he wasn't done:

"That's what I mean. He's a guy that can drive the ball, he's a guy that can hit the ball to the wall and get a double. Again, he's not a stolen base threat on there. You know, you're talking about having to lump hits together to try to score now, where if you hit a double, a base hit scores you."

Apparently Choo is the only person in the Cleveland lineup capable of hitting a double. Or a triple. Or a home run. Because of Choo's recklessness, now the Indians would have "to lump hits together to try to score" because it was "going to take two singles to score Shin-Soo Choo from first base." Even though with two outs, Choo would undoubtedly score on any extra base hit. But because Choo had the temerity to only get one base while reaching safely, he had clearly screwed his team according to the Phillips' math, which is: Double (2B) + Single (1B) = Good Baseball (GB); 1B + 2B = BB (Bad Baseball).

Notice, too, that Phillips reiterates that Choo is incapable of stealing a base. Want to know what happens next? Let Shulman tell you, while keeping in mind that I began this post as soon as Choo reached, not with the benefit of hindsight:

"He's running. Pitch taken for ball 3. Throw down, not in time. Choo in there with a stolen base."

Phillips:

"Alright, I forgive him now. I still don't think it's good baseball, it's a guy that stole four bases all year last year."

Yes, basing everything solely on what a guy did the previous year, when Choo stole those measly four bases in part-time duty, is true analysis. But just for kicks, here are Choo's minor league stolen base totals by season (games played in parentheses): 2001: 14 (54); 2002: 37 (130); 2003: 18 (110); 2004: 40 (132); 2005: 20 (115); 2006: 26 (94) ; 2007: 10 (61). So going into last season, for his minor-league career, Choo had stolen 165 bases in 696 games. That comes out to 38 stolen bases per 162-game season. But he's clearly not a stolen base threat, as Phillips has now mentioned it three times.

After Jhonny Peralta walked, Mark DeRosa struck out, so Choo ended up being stranded at second. But he also added a second stolen base later in the game -- unfortunately, at that point I had stopped watching, so I have no idea what kind of insight Phillips provided at this remarkable fluke somehow occurring twice in one night -- and is now a very non-threatening 8-for-8 for the season. A total he just might add to if he keeps insisting on getting on base any way he can.

If a bunt single is bad baseball, what would Phillips have called it if Choo had been thrown out on his bunt attempt? Horrendous baseball? Despicable baseball? And I shudder to think of what Phillips might have said if Choo had the audacity to coax a two-out walk from Chamberlain instead of his cowardly bunt single. For he is Steve Phillips, broadcaster extraordinaire.